Sad but true

Two years ago I entered the Corporate jungle. I started at this huge American company and I thought I’m set for life. Fresh out of varsity and wide eyed. I was earning a huge salary which turned out to be not so huge once I entered the real world. Now I have debts
and commitments and shit. I think I’m more broke now than what I was when I was a student working part time as a barman. I didn’t have debts back then, hell debts were something I read about in my Financial Management text books.

I’m not complaining here, I’m happy but I’ll be a lot happier once all my debts are cleared. Which may be sooner than I thought. I landed this new job at a International
Auditing firm. Don’t ask me how I did it, because I only have 6 months practical auditing
experience. Sure, I had Auditing as a subject for a year, but I cant remember much. I know enough basics to talk about it in general. Which is what I did in my interview. Well, I must have said something right, because they’re hiring me.

Here’s the snag, they hiring me as audit supervisor. I’ll be earning 25 % more than I’m earning now. Maybe this will bring me some debt relief. Or not. As I always say to Bryan, it doesn’t matter what your salary is, you’ll always live slightly above your means. Its human nature. Except in Japan where they save like 30% of their disposable income.

How does this link to the subject? Oh yes, I believe I got this job because I believe I was
Street smart rather than text book smart. Sure, I got good grades at varsity but I was never top of the class or on the dean’s list. I maintained good grades, just enough to keep the parents happy. I never studied really hard. Why spend 4 years studying your ass off and not getting to enjoy the student life when the end result is the same? The nerds in my class are worse off than me at the moment. I can guarantee you none of them are audit supervisors after only 2 years in the corporate jungle. Well at least not at a reputable firm.

Where’s that 90% now you nerds?? What did that help you?? You laughed at me for getting 60%…And now? Who’s laughing now?

Sorry, had to get that out. When I resigned in my current job, they practically begged me 2 stay. I’m not a hard worker at all. You can ask Bryan. BUT, I’m a smart worker.
Work smart, not hard! Every manager wants a person under them that works hard. Why?
That means less work for them as a manager of course. Who gets the credit for the work?
The manager of course. It works like that all over. Sad but true. So how do you become a manager? By working hard? No, well maybe in the long run. Work smart, and then you’ll
become a manager much faster. It’s a shortcut. Just a tip from me to you…use it or don’t!

Here’s another tip, when you’re a manager, employ a hard worker under you. That way they do all the work and you take credit. I realize that the manager’s boss will in return take credit for the manager’s work but hey you don’t care as a manager coz you’re doing the same. It’s a ugly chain of events and you don’t wanna be at the bottom of that chain!!

To summarise my lecture here then. Don’t be a hard worker! Once your manager identifies you as a hard worker its over for you. He wont promote you, because you work nice and hard. Sure you might get the odd increase, but hey you’re still doing the dirty work. You might as well call yourself Dirty Harry. Ask yourself, why would they promote someone that works hard? Who’s gonna do the hard work then?

Instead work smart. This doesn’t mean you must be lazy. No, just be smart about how and when you work. Just a simple yet valuable tool I use. I probably work late
once every 2 weeks if that. Most people in my department works late 3-4 times in one week. When I do work late, lets say till 7pm, then just before I leave I’ll send a work related e-mail to my boss, reminding her of our meeting or whatever. That’s being smart.
My boss knows I don’t work late, but now she thinks , hey he puts in the hours when its
really necessary. Working late all the time means you’re battling to keep up with your work and you’re a slow worker. Instead I’m efficient and I leave on the stroke of 4:30 pm
most days.

Does this make sense?? Maybe I should write a book with hints and tips.

Just in case you think I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll give my credentials.
In 2 years at my current employer my salary rose with 25%. Now with my new job its gonna rise another 25%. That’s a 50% rise in just 2 years. It sure as hell beats inflation
of 6%. I also got 2 promotions in that time and now I got a 3rd one with this new job.

All this was done by working smart. Bryan can attest to that, I don’t work hard, just smart
And you should do the same!!!

Take a walk down memory lane

I’ve started a new feature on my blog. Its called trips down memory lane. Its just stories from my past that was never captured at the time. Please remember when reading them that I’m not that person anymore. I’ve changed since, but the stories are whimsical yet relevant. No, they’re just good stories that might be worth a read, and its quite funny to
Think about them personally. I use it as a yardstick to see how much I’ve changed over the past year. Anyway, on with trips down memory lane.
This is the first one, and I’ll break it up into a few parts, because it’s a long story.

This one is called TRIPS DOWN MEMORY LANE: WHO”S NEXT? PART 1
It was my 23rd birthday. True to tradition I wanted to get absolutely motherless
on my birthday. We decided to go to a club in town. Bryan and a couple of friends were there. At the time I was “dating”(if you can call it that) Lindsay. She was a bit more serious than me at the time and she wanted a long term relationship. I was just looking for some casual sex. Bryan took the liberty to invite Donna and Shirley along. Now we only just met Donna and Shirley. They worked in the mall at a music store and we use to pop by after work and flirt with them. Shirley was really hot, but she was a bit of a kid. Probably due to a lack of experience. Anyway so we went. I played cricket that day and after the game I got “punished” because it was my birthday. I had a lot to drink and by the time Bryan picked me up I was well on my way to being motherless. So we wnet to the club. It was pumping. Packed. I was so pissed that I was thanking everyone in the club for coming to “my party”. I of course didn’t know most of them. They probably thought I pissed(which I was, or stark,raving mad) It was too early to be pissed.

So there we were. Donna and Shirley was all over me. Lindsay was there too and she
wanted me badly. Then the plot thickened. Amanda pitched up. Now Amanda was a woman I had a soft spot for. I always wanted more from her but she never wanted a relationship.She was elusive. That just made me want her more. She is the coolest chick and everyone really digs her. We met a few months prior to my birthday and seen each other a couple of times. Mostly when we were drunk and it always ended up with the two of us going home and doing things the Lord forbids.

So the scene is set..there we were in the club. I’m pissed out of my mind. Lindsay is following me everywhere as I try to avoid her. Donna and Shirley cant leave me alone.
And Amanda is there getting drunk herself, but having a blast on the dancefloor with
guys trying their luck( in vain of course).

Part 2 of Who’s next will follow in the next post….

Are you man enough?

I read the GQ today at work(I was bored and my boss was away). According to them there are 24 manly things you should have done in your life to be classified as a man.
I’ve done 16 of the 24. How do you compare?

1 Swum with sharks
2 Drunk an entire bottle of spirits on your own
3 Had a lap dance
4 Eaten somrthing that you’ve caught yourself
5 Been in a fight
6 Smoked a cigar while playing poker
7 Driven a genuine sports car
8 Climbed a proper mountain
9 Prevented a crime
10 Had a one night stand
11 Turned down a one night stand
12 Grown a beard
13 Suffered a serious sports related injury
14 Shaved your head
15 Got lost in the bush
16 Unblocked a drain
17 Fixed a faulty engine(or at least tried to)
18 Had a suit tailor made
19 Spent a day watching all three Godfathers in a row
20 Helped a woman in distress
21 Cleared a pool table in one go
22 Read an article in a porn mag
23 Had a one man barbeque
24 Spent time in the back of a police car

Seduction killers

I see and hear about the problem single guys have. So, here are some tips for all you single guys.
Let me know if it worked!

Here are 5 seduction killers:



1 Too much cologne
Take it easy on the cologne guys. Nothing says I’m desperate for you to touch my penis more than cologne overload!

2 Overly Fancy restaurants
The last thing you need is tight assed waiters hovering around you like flies around dung. A 100 page wine list in French is also not impressive. If you cant relax you cant
Seduce!

3 Music
Most guys trip over this one. Guys, please don’t put Barry White or Sade on in the background. If you do this, then you play all your cards at once. This says to her that you want her and she knows it. Not only do you want it, but you’re expecting it! That’s just gross guys.

4 Back Rubs
This one worked back in the Seventies. (Remember Boogie Nights?) Offering to give her a backrub is outworn. A voucher for a spa massage says that you care that she’s pampered even when there’s no immediate chance of your getting laid.

5 Wine
Don’t pretend to know anything about wine. And if you do know something about wine, don’t be pretentious about it. Its not impressive. Just pour her a glass and say cheers!

One to remember...

November for me is the time of the year where I start taking stock and reflecting on the year that has just gone by. (Coz in December I’m too drunk to reflect on anything. ) Another year. They really fly by faster as you get older.
How has this year treated me….or rather how did I treat it? WTF…It doesn’t matter which way I ask the question. Bottom line is this…It was a really great year.2004. Was it the best yet? I don’t know, lets see….

HIGHS:
1) I met the love of my life this year
2) We moved in together 6 months later(it’s the first time I lived with a girlfriend)
3) Then I took it up a notch and we got engaged another 2 months later
4) I’ve been happy all year…with the odd depression days in between but the happy days outnumber the sad days quite significantly
5) I also got promoted this year at work
6) I got an unexpected increase in September
7) I got a permanent position at work
8) I scored my highest amount of runs ever in a single cricket season ( 698 runs)
9) We won the league and we remained unbeaten through the whole season
10) I bought my first car.
11) I just got a new job starting in January..better position and more money.

LOWS:
1) I didn’t get a job I applied for. (which is a good thing maybe)
2) I’m always broke (maybe the new job will solve this problem)
3) I really cant think of any other major lows.


Whatever the lows were I obviously overcame them and moved on! I sure do remember the highs and that’s definitely an indication that this has been a splendid year indeed.

2004

I got this e-mail today from a friend...Its worth a read.


You know you're living in 2004 when...
1 You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3 You have a list of 16 phone numbers to reach your family of 4.
4 You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5 Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6 When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7 When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial " 0 " to get an outside line.
8 You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10 You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news .
11 Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12 Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards. AND..............
13 You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14 As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends."
15 You got this email from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net.
16 You are too busy to notice there was no #9
17 You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9
18 AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

92nd

That’s the rating South Africa got from a worldwide quality of life survey done by the Economist.
92nd out of 111 countries. What a shit hole!! I was actually enjoying it here.
South Africa is one of the most beautiful countries in the world( I’ve travelled extensively of course) Where else can you wake up in the morning to the roar of a lion
on your doorstep? Where else can you hitch a ride to work on a horse? Where else does a beer cost $ 1 ?? Damn, you can get pissed with $10!! A burger and chips will cost you
$3. Entry to a nightclub is $5. Cars are cheap…and we even have American cars here.
Life is good here…if you don’t get eaten by a lion or if you don’t get smothered to death
by a python while you sleep. I’m getting hungry now, and I should go hunting with my bow and arrow. There’s some buck down by the river. Maybe those dumb Americans will
come visit again and we can take them on a safari for a ridiculous price. They’ll pay anything to experience the “African life”.

I’m surprised America only got 13th. Is that because of George W?

Under Siege

Today I had an interesting e-mail conversation with a female colleague. We're the same age and she has a problem with me being engaged at the age of 24. Well, she hasn't told me directly, but she told Bryan. So, I sent her an e-mail, looking for an reaction ...and this is what I got!!

ME:Please read and take hope out of this. There is hope for all of you. Hang in there and one day you'll find what I have. I hope for your sake its sooner
rather than later. I found it at 23. Yes a young age, but how blessed I am to have found it this early in my life. Most people have to wait 30 years!

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."


"Where there is love there is life."

"Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit."

"The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."
"The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed."

HER:Easy Tiger...........what's this all about?????

I plan on going wild tonight - might get pissed? might go skinny dipping?You see, there aint no time for the kinda love you're talking about in my life cos I'm young (same age as you by the way) and free .........and like it that way.

I'm thrilled for you though that you've found your niche..............just don't take it too seriously, even with the little I know of you, i don't think it suits you!!

Have a happy weekend, may the "joys, woes and sweet serenders of your love encompass you"


ME: Did I hit a nerve?

The little I know of you, I dont think getting pissed and skinny dipping suits you. If getting pissed and skinny dipping makes you so happy, then good for you.
Then I'm happy for you, because then you're on the right path. You see because
I've been there before and done that. One morning you will wake up...probably next to your
skinny dipping partner and realise how empty your heart is. You'll have that feeling
that something is missing. When that happens, come chat to me. Until then enjoy getting pissed
and skinny dipping.
I'm not condenming you or what you're doing, but there comes a time in your life when you
have to commit. For some people it may be at 23. But remember, even though we are the same age in years
we are definitely not the same age when it comes to life experience.

One final thought to ponder on my dear fellow Cape Townian: "If you don't believe in something, you fall
for everything"


HER:My my, so there is actually something alot more to you than the smug, smooth Afrikaner type that you come across as.......

Committment is one thing and there's no denying that it's a great thing. But it doesn't require leaving all elements of being young behind.........be sure to take your wife skinny dipping, and get pissed......together.............trust me, it'll be great! Be your age, otherwise you'll run out of things to do by the time your 40 - be married sure, I'm happy for you and all that.........but don't leave too much of who you are behind in order to do that.

And one last thing..........as far as life experience goes.........you're very naive if you believe you have more of it simply because you've found love early.....carefull there, cos that's a battle that with me, you'll most probably lose.

Enjoy your weekend "Lovemaster"

If you are going to reply, please keep it light.....it's Friday, it's weekend and I'm happy to the 23 yr old that I am!!!

Good on ya that you're happy to be the 33 yr old that you are!!

ME:Yes, or as Bryan would say: " I'm more than just a pretty face"

My my, so its true what they say about you. You are competitive indeed.

Let me just help you out here. Being young doesnt equal getting pissed, partying, skinny dipping, going to Kenton On Sea or any of those wonderfully
exciting things you do. Old people (33yr olds) do that to kiddo! That isn't the essence of being young. Instead being young equals no or little responsibilty
and a serious lack of commitment amongst other things. You would call that being "free". To be truly free my friend you have to conquer yourself first! Write that down....

Just a question to you...If you are so free as you claim to be, why do you care so much about what other people think of you??

The life experience is another issue, and its a battle I will definitely not lose, not to you or most people for that matter. Bryan has seen a year of my experiences last year
and I can write a book on that. Thats only one year of my "young" life. There's plenty more but they will remain fond memories. Its all lessons learned in time. Lessons
you have to experience for yourself, because thats the only way you'll learn.

Now go out this weekend and go play kiddo!
Enjoy
The Lovemaster

HER:Well done for "conquering yourself"
Well done for being the champion of "life experience"
Well done for being "wise beyond your years"
Well done for "finding the love of your life early"
Well done for being the perfect example of "committment"

It appears Cindy has found herself Mr Perfect.

Think that about covers it........ I'm done playing email ping pong - kids like me struggle to keep their concentration for long periods of time, especially when the topic terms serious and dull

ME:I'm glad you like it!

HER:Not really, but at least Cindy does

ME: Oh right, you like 29 year olds....That fits right in with your strategy of being young...Hmm how paradoxical!?!?

HER: Wow, for someone who hardly ever talks to me, you sure know alot about my life.........
but then again, I'm sure big mouth Bryan has alot to do with that........
I hope you give Cindy as hard a time as you do me.........rumour has it you're rather timid in the happy home????

ME: Final thought for the day:
"He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home."
Thanks Jen...but I cant have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent!

Rules are Rules

Have a look at this. I totally agree. I received this joke from Bryan(www.quown.blogspot.com)


Rules for Men
1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
3. It is okay for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
b. After wrecking his boss' Ferrari.
c. When his date is using her teeth.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is five minutes. Maximum waiting time is six minutes
7. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10. It is permissible to have a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ... and it's free.
11. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
12. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem -- you didn't see nothin'.
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
15. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
16. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
d. Nice butt. Are you a Sagittarius?
17. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you

Get over it!

My training is still going well( thanks Bryan for the indirect motivation ). I ran another 3.5 miles this morning.
Can you believe it. The US elections were even big news here in South Africa. Most South Africans would have liked to see a John Kerry win. Does it really matter to us??
I don’t know the dude, but I kinda like George W. I like his direct approach and I think
he is a strong leader. I’m not too much into politics so my knowledge is limited on this issue. It was interesting watching the results roll in from the various states. I’m just amazed that a country can be so equally divided. Each vote literally counts in the US.
From a African perspective, its good that George W won. He or his administration has
spent more money on Africa than any of his predecessors. So, that’s about the only way it affects us. Oh, and he’s also been the US president with the most state visits to Africa.
That’s about all I know.
Here in South Africa the ruling party gets like 67% of the vote. Which makes your vote seem pointless.
I see lots of Americans are distraught with George W’s victory. But take it from me, there’s countries outthere with worse leaders and a lot more problems. Be thankful for
that!